VITAL PROGRAMMING NOTE

OK there has been a new development to my situation. I will be contributing to freglomerica.blogspot.com. (It's short for Freedom, Glory, America) There are going to be 2 of us contributing to this so content will be more frequent and hopefully better. I'm still going to write like I have been; still recap the Real World etc... etc... also Mr. Pibb will pop his head in every now and then. This site will remain as my pre-merger archive, so if your looking for older articles they'll still be at dougthepunter.blogspot.com but all new content will be at freglomerica.blogspot.com. Thanks for your support. End Communication.

Hockey is Sweet

Tale of the Tape

Zdeno Chara- D- Boston
Height: 6'9"
Weight: 251
Birthplace: Trencin, Czechoslovakia (modern day Slovakia)

David Koci- LW- Chicago
Height: 6'6"
Weight: 238
Birthplace: Prague, Czechoslovakia

I didn't watch the Bruins last night because I was watching my Sox stick it to Colorado but it's a rule of mine that any time time a Czech and a Slovak over 6' 5" get into a hockey fight, I have to post it. There was clearly some national pride at stake in this one.

World Series Prediction Based on Random Collection of Photos

Until I just visited espn.com I thought that the World Series was going to be pretty interesting and then I saw this picture that they had on their main page.How much more intimidating are the Red Sox than the Rockies here? Beckett looks like he is about the murder someone, seriously I think whoever took that picture immediately collapsed of a brain aneurysm or something. Oritz has that bad-ass "I know something you don't know" smirk and looks 3 times the size of everybody else. Manny, well, Manny is just Manny he could give a shit if this was June 24 or October 24.

Now the Rockies, Matt Holliday (I assume that it's him on the left) looks a little surprised and doesn't really give me anything to make fun of him for. Todd Helton is rocking his poser Kevin Youkilis goatee and trying his best to look hard while giving his Blue Steel look. Sorry I can't really be intimidated by anyone hitting below the Mendoza line in the playoffs. And that brings us to little Jeffy Francis. Look at that guy, seriously dude looks like the biggest nerd in human history. I kinda feel sorry for him actually. I would probably be more intimidated batting against Orville Redenbacher than Jeffy.

That being said I think the Sox can win but the Rockies do make me a bit nervous, except for Orville. Sox in 6

BREAKING NEWS: Tuesday Sucks

I've got a crazy theory for all you Freedom Readers out there. NBC should show its Thursday night lineup (My Name is Earl, 30 Rock, The Office, and that one with the guy who likes dudes (its the one with the hospital, i think)) on Tuesday night. Now before you flip out and write threatening things in the comments section (I'm still waiting for the first!) hear me out. I've got two solid reasons for you. 1) Thursday is a sports night. During the football season a quality college game is shown on Thursdays and once the NBA starts TNT has its basketball coverage on Thursdays, which is must-see programming because of Sir Charles. Last week I had to watch Game 5 of the ALCS and SFU v. Rutgers, and that left no time for Dwight, Tracy, and Jack Donaghy. And reason 2) I need something to look forward to on Tuesdays. Thursday night is sweet enough as it is; you get to knock back a couple beers and daydream about how you're going to do the bare minimum at work the next day and your plans for the weekend. Tuesday sucks, its a scientific fact. There's nothing to watch (unless you watch that Caveman show, which i boycott because those cavemen are pretentious assholes) and you still have more than half of the work week ahead of you. So tonight instead of watching quality TV shows I'm going to talk myself into watching the Rangers v. the Penguins on Versus, sweet life, I know. And on Thursday there is game 2 of the World Series AND the Unforgettable Hokies laying the smack down on BC's rudy-poo candy ass. I know that Thursday has always been NBC's night but who the hell cares, switch it to Tuesday so I don't kill myself.

PS- Fuck you if you say I should get Tivo.

King Conn #23 in the BCS

As everyone knows UConn beat Louisville on Saturday night and held one of the best offenses in the country in check. Brian Brohm had his worst game of the season as the Connecticut defense proved it is one of the best in the nation. I know the Huskies were helped tremendously by a really, really crappy call on a punt where the UConn returner signaled for a fair catch but the refs didn't blow the whistle. However, that play was evened out shortly after when, on a UConn punt, a Louisville player touched the ball and the Husky gunner recovered at the 1-yd. line and the refs gave the ball to Louisville instead. So its even. Anyway UConn is finally getting some respect and is at 23 in the BCS standings and in the high 20s in most of the polls. The first-in-the-Big-East Huskies host South Florida on Saturday afternoon. If, before the season, you predicted this game would be between two top 25 teams than people would have called you insane and probably kicked you in the nuts for being so stupid.

PS- UConn's QB Tyler "Destroyer Class" Lorenzen is the real deal.

Reaction to Game 6/Nancy Drew

I know that the Sox have already won their 12th AL Pennant but I just wanted to quickly comment on game 6 (since I was there but no big deal), particularly Nancy Drew. After the game someone asked me if Drew's grand slam made up for everything. I thought about it for a minute and replied, "No, it's like if someone kicked you in the junk everyday for a year and then one day gives you $20." I stand by that surprisingly lucid comment, considering the state I was in. Anyway... World Series prediction: Pain (Sox in 6)

Mr. Pibb's Put It In Your Head Song of the Day

Well, well looks like Doug's Red Sox held off the Injuns long enough for him to get to see his first playoff game. In honor of my patron's impending saga Mr. Pibb presents you with possibly the most obvious song of the day yet. It still rocks hard but it wasn't the most creative Mr. Pibb has ever gotten.

So sit back, grab some Red Vines, and let your ears take you away...

Today's Track- "More Than a Feeling" by Boston



And a bonus track since Mr. Pibb is feeling generous: Incredible version of "Fat Bottom Girls" by Queen.



This entire concert (Live at the Bowl- '82) is one of the greatest rock shows ever. They take all of their hits and kick them up like 7-8 notches. Its unreal.

Don't Worry, Be Manny

I know this is a bit of old news but was any one who has followed the Red Sox surprised by Manny's "it's not the end of the world" quote. That's how Manny has rolled since day 1 and I don't get why the sports media is making such a huge deal out of it. Also they didn't even give the full quote where he goes onto explain that he'd trade in all his individual accolades for another World Series ring. I don't think any Boston fan was shocked or upset by these comments but the talking heads at ESPN made it seem like we were flipping out and murdering people over this. So I'm going to try to do something new at the Freedom Blog and put up a poll (on the right-hand sidebar) where you can vote for whether Manny's comments were out of line or not...

P.S. Manny has been f*cking raking this October

P.P.S. I'll get to the Real World at some point but this past week's ep was so uninspired that it is going to be hard for me to get motivated. Hopefully I'll have it up early next week.

Does my "friend's" editor have any idea about sports?

OK I have to keep this post vague and shrouded in mystery because I don't want my "friend's" editor to read this, get pissed, and can him. A little background: My "friend" writes for a publication that may or may not exist a couple nights a week. He usually writes about 3 stories a night that have to do with sports. Now I and my "friend" have suspected, for a while, that the higher-ups know virtually nothing about sports based on several different things that have been allowed to get published (i.e. the Red Sox have been referred to as baseball's lovable losers, which is false, that's the Cubs). My theory was confirmed last night when my "friend" was assigned to write a story about the USF v. Rutgers game. My "friend's" editor emailed him, writing that the game would probably end during his shift and to write up an article. Now this was last night, a Tuesday night, and last time I checked the game is on Thursday. So unless my "friend" is working a 50 hour shift than there is no chance that he can write that article. Now this may seem like an honest mistake, and I suppose it could be, but what red-blooded male in their right mind (who is a sports editor, no less) thinks a BCS-conference game involving the #2 team in the country is going to be played on a Tuesday. There is almost never a game on Tuesday and if there is one it involves the MAC or the SWAC or some other crappy conference.

So Freedom Readers, could this be an honest mistake or should my "friend" be running the sports section at this publication that may or may not exist?

PS- UConn is beating Louisville this Friday night, you can take that to the bank.

Red Sox Picture Essay

So my Sox are down 3 games to 1 and have there backs against the wall. Beckett is on the bump Thursday night which gives me a lot of confidence that they can get it back to Boston (which I hope on my life they do since I have a ticket to game 6 (knock on wood)). Anyway I feel that the pitching hasn't been the Sox's problem but their hitting so I have compiled a visual breakdown of their lineup...













1. Dustin Pedroia aka John Clayton, 2B- Dustin has seemed overwhelmed in the playoffs, especially this series, and as Jon Papelbon pointed out the other night, he kind of looks like ESPN personality John Clayton although I don't think he expected him to hit like the professor.













2. Kevin Youkilis aka Eff You Kevin Youkilis, 1B- Youk hasn't been that bad this series but that dropped foul ball last night might have ended that 5th inning earlier. Side note: Check out Jon Papelbon interviewing Kevin Millar for the hilarious quote: "Kevin Youkilis actually feeds off how ugly he is." Its a bit long but worth it.













3. David Ortiz aka Magilla Gorilla, DH- He's been an absolute beast since the beginning of September and he's been battling a ton of injuries. I LOVE YOU, Dr. Zaus, er, I mean Papi.

(Magilla Gorilla, Gorilla for sale...)













4. Manny Ramirez aka the Man Ram, LF- If you thought I was going to bash Manny then you clearly have no idea what I'm about.













5. Mike Lowell aka Yoda, 3B- He's so wise, like a Cuban Buddha covered with hair. I can't say anything bad about the elder statesman, whose actually not that old, except that the Sox probably shouldn't resign him to a deal over 2 years so they can throw a ton of money at Miguel Cabrera when he comes on the market after the 2008 season.













6. JD Drew aka Nancy Drew, RF- I actually think this is an insult to Nancy Drew since she has done a lot more for me than JD (I always wondered what was up with that old clock and she figured it out, not that I ever read any of those books...). Also Nancy could probably get on base more and be a decent situational hitter. I can't believe JD's getting paid $14 million... (Note: I tried to find a picture of JD Drew looking at a called third strike, late in the game, with runners on base but it was surprisingly hard to find which is weird because I don't think I've ever seen him do anything other than that).













7. Jason Varitek aka Captain America, C- I know he hasn't hit but I might as well say I hate freedom if I bash him...












8. Coco Crisp aka hilarious monkey pitchman for similarly named cereal, CF- Coco has done absolutely nothing since coming to Boston other than play great defense. I understand that great center field play is key to a good team but it can't be good that he's batting .250, can it? Anyway I'm pretty sure this monkey could get at least one clutch hit in two years.













9. Julio Lugo, aka Skinny Ethiopian Kid from South Park, SS- I'm not as down on Lugo as everybody else because he's a decent no. 9 hitter. Then I remember when they let Orlando Cabrera go to save a couple bucks and I want to shoot myself in the face. And he looks like he hasn't had a good meal since the 90's...

Manager Terry Francona aka World's smallest man. I think these pictures speaks for themselves.

I am Awesome

I don't like to brag or anything but last night I absolutely dominated the remote control. I was simultaneously watching the bottom of the 9th of the Cleveland v. Yankees game and the final 2 minutes of MNF between the Cowboys and Bills. I am not lying to you when I say that I did not miss a single pitch or play from either. It was truly one of the greatest moments in television-watching history. I know there has to be some luck involved but that goes for virtually all great accomplishments. I feel that the key to my success was confidence. Confidence built through long hours watching football and baseball. Confidence stemming from knowing how long Joe Borowski takes in between pitches. Confidence in the fact that I am awesome.
End Communication.

Mr. Pibb's Put It In Your Head Song of the Day

That's right monkeys Mr. Pibb is back to tell you what hot track to shove in your ear.

Mr. Pibb has decided to piggy back on the concept developed over at Barstool Sports and declare today's song of the day a Cougar Anthem. What is a Cougar Anthem, you ask. I'll let the experts from the Stool handle this one:

1. If the song is BY an actual cougar - Stevie Nicks, Heart, Pat Benatar, etc. you're automatically in. It's like getting 3000 hits or 300 wins. "Seventeen", "Barracuda", "Love is a Battlefield", all locks.

2. If the song is NOT by an actual cougar, it needs to be a song about a cougar, i.e. Boston's "Amanda", Kiss' "Beth", The Eagles' "Witchy Woman" or Queensryche's "Jet City Woman."

3. Finally, the last criteria is the "sky-punch" a.k.a. "rockfist", whichever you prefer, needs to be mandatory when the chorus "kicks in". Examples again include "Jet City Woman", Def Leppard's "Rocket", and Twisted Sister's "I Wanna Rock". If you don't meet the first two criteria, you have to hit #3 - the mandatory "sky punch", because if there's anything cougars love more than hitting on younger men and chain-smoking Parliaments, it's sky-punching.

In Mr. Pibb's opinion the preeminent Cougar Anthem is Bad Company's Feel Like Making Love but according to votes conducted at the Stool the Scorpion's Rock You Like a Hurricane is the #1 Cougar Anthem of all time. Anyway Mr. Pibb's own personal favorite Cougar Anthem (Mr. Pibb was the first to officially recognize this as a Cougar Anthem, by the bye) is today's Put It In Your Head Song of the Day.

So sit back, grab some Red Vines, and let your ears take you away...


Today's Track- "Love In an Elevator" by Aerosmith



This song is so awesome for so many reasons that Mr. Pibb's head will explode if he tries to list them all.

BREAKING NEWS: A-Rod Likes Dudes

I have to go now...?

Well it's been a fun week and a half but it appears that I may be moving on to greener journalistic pastures. Barring any sort of tremendous blunder (which I am not ruling out) I'm going to be contributing to newser.com. It's a news website thingy that summarizes news stories into a couple sentences. I'm not sure how much I'll be contributing to this thing but this either means I am going to have A) a lot more time to write on this blog or B) a lot less time to write on this blog... probably the latter. I'm going to try my best to keep recapping the Real World (because I just can't help myself) and hopefully do at least one long sports related post a week (I know you all can't get enough of my flawless (read: 3-10-3 last week) football predictions).

Mr. Pibb is also sad to go the way of the evening newspaper but he will post a song when that song demands to be posted. He asked me to tell you that he still loves you all and he wouldn't have change a thing...

Curb Your Enthusiasm

I'll be honest with you, as much as I love Curb, this past episode was bad, pretty, pretty bad. If you had watched at least 2 prior eps, from any season, you knew right away that that lady in the ice cream store was vital to the kids getting into Dryden. You also knew that L.D. wasn't getting away with stealing those flowers. The only suprise was when Larry didn't let that Dean of Admissions have it after she called him obnoxious etc... It was one of those eps where you want to to slap Larry in the face and be like what the hell are you doing? Why didn't he just go buy new flowers instead of trying to steal the ones back from the lady... just an all around frustrating ep. The most frustrating thing being the fact that Leon was no where to be seen. He was HILARIOUS in the last show, he needs more face time.

Other random Curb thoughts...

-This is the second ep in a row where Jeff has been rocking Under Armour. (Last ep he was wearing a T-shirt while helping the Davids move and this ep he was wearing a polo early on).

-I thought Larry was banned from Jeff's house, so why didn't Suzie give him the business when he was there.

-Speaking of that scene, wtf was Larry eating out of a ziplock bag?

-Cheryl is still smoking. She f'ing brings the heat.

-The funniest part of this ep (probably the only funny part) was when Larry gets back home after stealing the perfume and pushes the two kids out of the way so he could get upstairs faster.

-Actually there was another funny part when Funkhouser called Larry his best friend and when he said he was an orphan. Typical Funkhouser bullshit.