Doug the Punter's Archive

VITAL PROGRAMMING NOTE

2007-10-26T14:11:00.001-04:00

OK there has been a new development to my situation. I will be contributing to freglomerica.blogspot.com. (It's short for Freedom, Glory, America) There are going to be 2 of us contributing to this so content will be more frequent and hopefully better. I'm still going to write like I have been; still recap the Real World etc... etc... also Mr. Pibb will pop his head in every now and then. This site will remain as my pre-merger archive, so if your looking for older articles they'll still be at dougthepunter.blogspot.com but all new content will be at freglomerica.blogspot.com. Thanks for your support. End Communication.

Hockey is Sweet

2007-10-26T12:42:00.000-04:00

Tale of the Tape

Zdeno Chara- D- Boston
Height: 6'9"
Weight: 251
Birthplace: Trencin, Czechoslovakia (modern day Slovakia)

David Koci- LW- Chicago
Height: 6'6"
Weight: 238
Birthplace: Prague, Czechoslovakia

I didn't watch the Bruins last night because I was watching my Sox stick it to Colorado but it's a rule of mine that any time time a Czech and a Slovak over 6' 5" get into a hockey fight, I have to post it. There was clearly some national pride at stake in this one.

Real World: Sydney: My triumphant return

2007-10-25T10:07:00.000-04:00

OK so I'm going to try to give you a run down of the last two and a half eps here. Last weeks ep was pretty boring but last nights was quality stuff proving my theory that Dunbar is the straw that stirs the drink (looks like I picked the wrong ep to stop taking notes). So here it is, starting with the final segment of the Grilled Cheese Incident...

So Shauvon just pseudo-apologized to Parisa, who is still upset that Trisha is flirting with Alex. In case you forgot (which I totally did because it seems like 4 1/2 months since I wrote about this show) Shauvon and Trisha have formed an alliance with the sole purpose of destroying Parisa; they're like the Emperor and Darth Vader, only with blond hair and way better tits. As Shauvon declares: "Tonight, the flirt war is on." I don't know what that means (not that I really get any of this show) but she does also reveal that Parisa is going out to the club (maybe a night club) sans panties.

At the club Parisa grabs the hopelessly clueless Alex and makes out with him in this weird little side room. They have a heart to heart and then Alex leaves to talk to Trisha. She basically tells him off and we get a great shot of those Reche Caldwell eyes. There's kind of a jump ahead here and Trisha is told by the bartender that her friend is sick outside. So she walks outside and sees Parisa passed out on a bench. In a rare good-natured moment she offers to walk her drunk ass home. Of course, nothing can go smoothly in the Real World so Parisa flips out and says that she can walk herself home because, as Parisa said, “I’ve done everything here by myself. You’re not my friend.”

So back at the house Parisa pukes in the confession room and we get the full sound effect of the vomit hitting the floor although I think that they added that sound in later, it was just too gross to be real. Trisha comes back and she and Parisa start arguing about something. Here are the best quotes from the all-out scream fest.

Parisa: “Trisha, go f*ck yourself.”

Trisha: “Why don’t you talk to someone who wants to f*ck you.”

Parisa: (I’m looking at my notes and this can’t be what Parisa said but I’m putting it down anyway) “You piece of shit fake bitch slut.” (That can’t be right, can it? That doesn’t make any sense)

Fortunately for you, the reader, I, the writer, will never use To Be Continued like MTV did in this ep on the Freedom Blog. What? I did in my last Real World post? Well, I must have been drunk or something…

The argument continues:

Parisa: “No one in this house likes you.”
Trisha: “Every girl in this house talks shit about you.”

Then they argue about Alex some more blah blah blah, Shauvon calms it down. In the aftermath Dunbar is chosen by both girls to be the one who they whine too. What a terrible choice. Honestly that’s probably the worst possible person they could talk too. He’s just quietly building up his rage until he shoots everyone in the face while they sleep.

Later the girls make up but it is a more tenuous peace than the Treaty of Versailles. I think Trisha is Germany…

Shauvon hooks up with a dude named Andrew and she gets real upset about it. Trisha’s boyfriend is coming and, because things were running too smoothly I presume, Parisa asks her if she can still hang out with Alex. Trisha says, “Out of respect for my boyfriend I don’t want him around here. I would do that for you if I was in your position.” To which Parisa counters, “I wouldn’t be in your position because I wouldn’t have cheated on my boyfriend.” Wow. That was definitely a low blow, but I’ll allow it. For the rest of the ep Parisa is a total bitch to Trisha about cheating. When Trisha’s boyfriend does show up it is a total non-issue.

Hey it’s Isaac! He’s here to break down the recent girl drama, “The female creature is inherently psychotic. They fight about the silliest things. Guys do too but a punch in the nose and it’s over.” Thanks for the break down dude.

Next Shauvon calls her ex-fiancée who gives her an ultimatum: come home immediately or we’re breaking up. Shauvon is torn because on the one hand she gets to stay in an exotic location with zero responsibility while living in a sweet house or go back to Sacramento to marry this jackass. Not really sure what she’s so torn about. And even more not really sure why this dude can’t wait a couple months.

Next ep: Dunbar is back and more insane than we remember.

I’m going to try something different here. Since I didn’t take notes this ep I am going to copy the ep summary from MTV’s Real World Website and insert my comments. They will be in bold and (in parenthesis). So here we go:

Our Real World: Sydney blondie, Shauvon is caught in a tight bind. David, her ex-fiance pleads with Shauvon to come back home, warning her of the dangers that live inside Real World house. It seems as though this environment, the partying, the drinking and the boys are all too much for David to be sleeping easy at night. As Shauvon talks her way through her ideology of life to Cohutta and KellyAnne, she confesses that she'd rather get married and raise a family than follow her pursuit of a career. The two roommates reassure her that they will back her up in whatever decision she makes. (WTF, where did this touchy feely moment come from, I don’t remember this) Could Shauvon give up the single, partying lifestyle and put on the veil? (I’m going to say no to this one, she’s a little too slutty/immature to give up getting drunk and having sex with random dudes. But that’s her journey, you gotta respect that, as Paul Rudd would say.)

Dunbar looks like a big (gay) teddy bear as he whispers to his girlfriend, Julie, on the phone. She arrives in Sydney very soon, for a romantic rendezvous (Isn't that special). While expressing his anxiousness for her arrival, Dunbar lets us in on a little secret. If any of the other Real Worlders show Julie disrespect, or if they ruin their time together, Dunbar is wrecking house. And you better believe there will be no mercy. (I believe he said, “There is nothing I won’t do to these people.” Man what a crazy asshole)

In the confessional, Parisa says that she would love for things to go well between the couple. With Dunbar's high-strung attitude, all the Real Worlders cannot wait for him to get a little hanky-panky action going on. Then, maybe after being so tired from "working out," he won't go crazy all the time.

Speaking of working, it's work time! The Real World gang chills around the (fake) Contiki meeting table, ready for a hard day of work. Their new assignment, under the leadership of KellyAnne (remember her), is to taste test at different restaurants and recommend only the finest dinning experiences to the patrons of Contiki. Let's just hope they don't end up eating each other first.

Dunbar wants to knock out the assignment and clean the house as soon as possible, so he can have more time to his girlfriend. Parisa, not complying with some of his wishes, drives Dunbar to his limit. They explode in argument... once again. Could this be a total hatred between two people, or a major underlying tide of sexual tension? (Isaac brought up this point and used the phrase “unrequited love.” I think it’s got some merit, these two argue a lot more than normal friends would. Also, Dunbar denies attacking people and being mean, saying he is just defending himself. I believe that was the same claim Herman Goering made about Germany at the Nuremberg Trials. No, seriously I think he said that.)

The day comes for Dunbar to pick up Julie. As she arrives, this macho guy sheds his tough skin. All day, from introducing her to the other Real World roommates to sitting on the beach and eating out, Dunbar charms with his ability to be a gentleman. (What episode was this person watching? Dunbar is being a total ass to everyone)

After another demanding phone call from David, Trisha and Isaac see Shauvon's man as a total tool and hypocrite. If he loves her so badly, why would he insist on her coming home, pulling her away from a life loves? He says it's too much for him, leaving Shauvon in not the best of moods. She doesn't understand the fairness in his ultimatum. (What fairness? Dudes like do exactly what I want or its over, that’s pretty shitty) The conversation ends with David realizing she'd rather not come home to him; she'd rather stay in Sydney.

After a day of taste testing and Dunbar's complaints, arguments start to stir. Julie admits that Dunbar can be quite rude, which propels Parisa to point fingers and accuse Dunbar of his previous behavior. Parisa squeals with laughter as Dunbar says he has never been mean to anyone in the house. With Julie completely understanding Parisa's predicament, Dunbar is finally shut up. He looks at Julie and shrugs. He is caught with the reality of his past. (I believe during this scene Dunbar claimed he was never mean to anyone in the house. I can’t think of anything insightful or witty to say here, Dunbar’s idiocy is making my brain seep out my ears).

When Friday rolls around, Julie is in tears, having to head home from Sydney. When she's gone, the yelling commences yet again. Parisa had forgotten the receipt at the Thai restaurant, leaving the group to pick up the tab. Dunbar curses her out at work. After they both meet with an advisor from Contiki, they must now find a way to make amends. Seems like these two are going to have to work on their relationship, or quit their jobs. (Dunbar wouldn’t even apologize in front of the boss, what an ass. I used to act like that too but I was like 11 years old. What a moron. On a side note I think the boss dude handled that situation perfectly, except he should have brought a tranq gun to make sure Dunbar didn’t punch him in the face).

World Series Prediction Based on Random Collection of Photos

2007-10-24T15:00:00.000-04:00

Until I just visited espn.com I thought that the World Series was going to be pretty interesting and then I saw this picture that they had on their main page.How much more intimidating are the Red Sox than the Rockies here? Beckett looks like he is about the murder someone, seriously I think whoever took that picture immediately collapsed of a brain aneurysm or something. Oritz has that bad-ass "I know something you don't know" smirk and looks 3 times the size of everybody else. Manny, well, Manny is just Manny he could give a shit if this was June 24 or October 24.

Now the Rockies, Matt Holliday (I assume that it's him on the left) looks a little surprised and doesn't really give me anything to make fun of him for. Todd Helton is rocking his poser Kevin Youkilis goatee and trying his best to look hard while giving his Blue Steel look. Sorry I can't really be intimidated by anyone hitting below the Mendoza line in the playoffs. And that brings us to little Jeffy Francis. Look at that guy, seriously dude looks like the biggest nerd in human history. I kinda feel sorry for him actually. I would probably be more intimidated batting against Orville Redenbacher than Jeffy.

That being said I think the Sox can win but the Rockies do make me a bit nervous, except for Orville. Sox in 6

BREAKING NEWS: Tuesday Sucks

2007-10-23T12:47:00.000-04:00

I've got a crazy theory for all you Freedom Readers out there. NBC should show its Thursday night lineup (My Name is Earl, 30 Rock, The Office, and that one with the guy who likes dudes (its the one with the hospital, i think)) on Tuesday night. Now before you flip out and write threatening things in the comments section (I'm still waiting for the first!) hear me out. I've got two solid reasons for you. 1) Thursday is a sports night. During the football season a quality college game is shown on Thursdays and once the NBA starts TNT has its basketball coverage on Thursdays, which is must-see programming because of Sir Charles. Last week I had to watch Game 5 of the ALCS and SFU v. Rutgers, and that left no time for Dwight, Tracy, and Jack Donaghy. And reason 2) I need something to look forward to on Tuesdays. Thursday night is sweet enough as it is; you get to knock back a couple beers and daydream about how you're going to do the bare minimum at work the next day and your plans for the weekend. Tuesday sucks, its a scientific fact. There's nothing to watch (unless you watch that Caveman show, which i boycott because those cavemen are pretentious assholes) and you still have more than half of the work week ahead of you. So tonight instead of watching quality TV shows I'm going to talk myself into watching the Rangers v. the Penguins on Versus, sweet life, I know. And on Thursday there is game 2 of the World Series AND the Unforgettable Hokies laying the smack down on BC's rudy-poo candy ass. I know that Thursday has always been NBC's night but who the hell cares, switch it to Tuesday so I don't kill myself.

PS- Fuck you if you say I should get Tivo.

King Conn #23 in the BCS

2007-10-22T15:20:00.000-04:00

As everyone knows UConn beat Louisville on Saturday night and held one of the best offenses in the country in check. Brian Brohm had his worst game of the season as the Connecticut defense proved it is one of the best in the nation. I know the Huskies were helped tremendously by a really, really crappy call on a punt where the UConn returner signaled for a fair catch but the refs didn't blow the whistle. However, that play was evened out shortly after when, on a UConn punt, a Louisville player touched the ball and the Husky gunner recovered at the 1-yd. line and the refs gave the ball to Louisville instead. So its even. Anyway UConn is finally getting some respect and is at 23 in the BCS standings and in the high 20s in most of the polls. The first-in-the-Big-East Huskies host South Florida on Saturday afternoon. If, before the season, you predicted this game would be between two top 25 teams than people would have called you insane and probably kicked you in the nuts for being so stupid.

PS- UConn's QB Tyler "Destroyer Class" Lorenzen is the real deal.

Reaction to Game 6/Nancy Drew

2007-10-22T15:15:00.000-04:00

I know that the Sox have already won their 12th AL Pennant but I just wanted to quickly comment on game 6 (since I was there but no big deal), particularly Nancy Drew. After the game someone asked me if Drew's grand slam made up for everything. I thought about it for a minute and replied, "No, it's like if someone kicked you in the junk everyday for a year and then one day gives you $20." I stand by that surprisingly lucid comment, considering the state I was in. Anyway... World Series prediction: Pain (Sox in 6)

Mr. Pibb's Put It In Your Head Song of the Day

2007-10-19T14:15:00.000-04:00

Well, well looks like Doug's Red Sox held off the Injuns long enough for him to get to see his first playoff game. In honor of my patron's impending saga Mr. Pibb presents you with possibly the most obvious song of the day yet. It still rocks hard but it wasn't the most creative Mr. Pibb has ever gotten.

So sit back, grab some Red Vines, and let your ears take you away...

Today's Track- "More Than a Feeling" by Boston

And a bonus track since Mr. Pibb is feeling generous: Incredible version of "Fat Bottom Girls" by Queen.

This entire concert (Live at the Bowl- '82) is one of the greatest rock shows ever. They take all of their hits and kick them up like 7-8 notches. Its unreal.

Don't Worry, Be Manny

2007-10-19T09:48:00.000-04:00

I know this is a bit of old news but was any one who has followed the Red Sox surprised by Manny's "it's not the end of the world" quote. That's how Manny has rolled since day 1 and I don't get why the sports media is making such a huge deal out of it. Also they didn't even give the full quote where he goes onto explain that he'd trade in all his individual accolades for another World Series ring. I don't think any Boston fan was shocked or upset by these comments but the talking heads at ESPN made it seem like we were flipping out and murdering people over this. So I'm going to try to do something new at the Freedom Blog and put up a poll (on the right-hand sidebar) where you can vote for whether Manny's comments were out of line or not...

P.S. Manny has been f*cking raking this October

P.P.S. I'll get to the Real World at some point but this past week's ep was so uninspired that it is going to be hard for me to get motivated. Hopefully I'll have it up early next week.

Does my "friend's" editor have any idea about sports?

2007-10-17T11:56:00.001-04:00

OK I have to keep this post vague and shrouded in mystery because I don't want my "friend's" editor to read this, get pissed, and can him. A little background: My "friend" writes for a publication that may or may not exist a couple nights a week. He usually writes about 3 stories a night that have to do with sports. Now I and my "friend" have suspected, for a while, that the higher-ups know virtually nothing about sports based on several different things that have been allowed to get published (i.e. the Red Sox have been referred to as baseball's lovable losers, which is false, that's the Cubs). My theory was confirmed last night when my "friend" was assigned to write a story about the USF v. Rutgers game. My "friend's" editor emailed him, writing that the game would probably end during his shift and to write up an article. Now this was last night, a Tuesday night, and last time I checked the game is on Thursday. So unless my "friend" is working a 50 hour shift than there is no chance that he can write that article. Now this may seem like an honest mistake, and I suppose it could be, but what red-blooded male in their right mind (who is a sports editor, no less) thinks a BCS-conference game involving the #2 team in the country is going to be played on a Tuesday. There is almost never a game on Tuesday and if there is one it involves the MAC or the SWAC or some other crappy conference.

So Freedom Readers, could this be an honest mistake or should my "friend" be running the sports section at this publication that may or may not exist?

PS- UConn is beating Louisville this Friday night, you can take that to the bank.

Red Sox Picture Essay

2007-10-17T09:16:00.000-04:00

So my Sox are down 3 games to 1 and have there backs against the wall. Beckett is on the bump Thursday night which gives me a lot of confidence that they can get it back to Boston (which I hope on my life they do since I have a ticket to game 6 (knock on wood)). Anyway I feel that the pitching hasn't been the Sox's problem but their hitting so I have compiled a visual breakdown of their lineup...

1. Dustin Pedroia aka John Clayton, 2B- Dustin has seemed overwhelmed in the playoffs, especially this series, and as Jon Papelbon pointed out the other night, he kind of looks like ESPN personality John Clayton although I don't think he expected him to hit like the professor.

2. Kevin Youkilis aka Eff You Kevin Youkilis, 1B- Youk hasn't been that bad this series but that dropped foul ball last night might have ended that 5th inning earlier. Side note: Check out Jon Papelbon interviewing Kevin Millar for the hilarious quote: "Kevin Youkilis actually feeds off how ugly he is." Its a bit long but worth it.

3. David Ortiz aka Magilla Gorilla, DH- He's been an absolute beast since the beginning of September and he's been battling a ton of injuries. I LOVE YOU, Dr. Zaus, er, I mean Papi.

(Magilla Gorilla, Gorilla for sale...)

4. Manny Ramirez aka the Man Ram, LF- If you thought I was going to bash Manny then you clearly have no idea what I'm about.

5. Mike Lowell aka Yoda, 3B- He's so wise, like a Cuban Buddha covered with hair. I can't say anything bad about the elder statesman, whose actually not that old, except that the Sox probably shouldn't resign him to a deal over 2 years so they can throw a ton of money at Miguel Cabrera when he comes on the market after the 2008 season.

6. JD Drew aka Nancy Drew, RF- I actually think this is an insult to Nancy Drew since she has done a lot more for me than JD (I always wondered what was up with that old clock and she figured it out, not that I ever read any of those books...). Also Nancy could probably get on base more and be a decent situational hitter. I can't believe JD's getting paid $14 million... (Note: I tried to find a picture of JD Drew looking at a called third strike, late in the game, with runners on base but it was surprisingly hard to find which is weird because I don't think I've ever seen him do anything other than that).

7. Jason Varitek aka Captain America, C- I know he hasn't hit but I might as well say I hate freedom if I bash him...

8. Coco Crisp aka hilarious monkey pitchman for similarly named cereal, CF- Coco has done absolutely nothing since coming to Boston other than play great defense. I understand that great center field play is key to a good team but it can't be good that he's batting .250, can it? Anyway I'm pretty sure this monkey could get at least one clutch hit in two years.

9. Julio Lugo, aka Skinny Ethiopian Kid from South Park, SS- I'm not as down on Lugo as everybody else because he's a decent no. 9 hitter. Then I remember when they let Orlando Cabrera go to save a couple bucks and I want to shoot myself in the face. And he looks like he hasn't had a good meal since the 90's...

Manager Terry Francona aka World's smallest man. I think these pictures speaks for themselves.

Real World Programming Note

2007-10-17T09:07:00.000-04:00

OK so I never finished my post about the end of the Real World. Sue me. But I think this will lend itself nicely to just adding the end of last weeks ep to the beginning of this weeks (since it was To Be Continued... anyway). So I should have a new recap up by tomorrow and if not by then Friday.

Peace, ds

Real World: Sydney: The Grilled Cheese Incident (v. 3.0)

2007-10-11T08:46:00.000-04:00

To quote Michael Corleone from Godfather III, "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in." A tour-de-force of an episode, simply incredible. This may have been the best ep of the year although I am partial to the Gay Mardi Gras one. I've got a lot of things to say today so get comfortable... (I'm going to be updating this throughout the day so keep checking back, hopefully I'll have the final version up by mid-afternoon).

We open up the ep by discovering that, while on a walk, Trisha talked to Alex at length about cheese and its nutritional value. Bizarre. KellyAnne tells Parisa that she has to tell Trisha about making out with Alex, however, Parisa feels like it is Alex's job to let her know. She also reveals Alex told her that he doesn't like Trisha, which is counter to what Trisha has said. Then Titty, er, I mean Shauvon breaks a promise to Parisa by telling Trisha about Parisa and Alex. Trisha tries to act like it's no big deal but you could tell it pissed her off. In fact, she says, "I have the upperhand." And Shauvon concurs by explaining how Parisa is in the wrong: "It's a territorial thing. You DON'T cross that line." Again with this bizarro Islamic Fundamentalist thing... Good thing we get all this girl drama out of the way early on. After the girls dump on Parisa we are treated to a black and white montage of Trisha and Alex. Is it just me or was this the most unnecessary compilation of anything ever, well except maybe Vanilla Ice's Greatest Hits.

In the next scene KellyAnne and Parisa are playing a rousing game of Ping-Pong and discussing the Alex situation. KellyAnne tells her that she can't tell any of the guys in the house about it. Unfortunately she already told Dunbar, who was surprisingly allowed to appear in this ep. Next, Dunbar and Parisa are sitting on a bench outside the house and not a lot happens but Dunbar looked so freaking pissed (probably because Parisa bitches to him non-stop). He looked like he was about to go down to the animal shelter, adopt a litter of kittens, and then punch each on of them in the face. Well, Dunbar had to leave and get locked into a closet by the producers again. Later Bro.

Shauvon tells the camera, "I tried to be Parisa's friend but am pissed that she talked to Dunbar." Adding that she didn't trust her, etc. etc. I'm not real sure where this anger comes from but I can kind of understand why she's upset, I guess. She could just be crazy though. SIDE RANT: I always figured that Parisa was the most sane of all the girls and here's why: I figure that MTV has a points system when deciding who to take on the show with different points in different categories. So for example hotness is on a scale of 1-10 and so is insanity, so even if your a smoking hot chick you have to be pretty crazy to get on the show I'd say in the 7-10 range because so many hot chicks send in audition tapes. This weeds out hot chicks that are just moderately crazy and gives us, the viewers, absolute smokeshows that are bat shit insane. This leads me to the conclusion that any hot chick on the show is crazy because normal ones can't accumulate enough points. So how did Parisa get on the show when she is a 5.5 on the hotness scale and maybe a 5 on the insanity? Well, my friend, there is a secret category were you get bonus points for being a minority (like University of Michigan Admissions), like crazy bonus points in order to round out the show. So if this theory is true then minorities on the show tend to be much less crazy on the whole then the typical cast member. I point to the Asian chick and the black guy from San Diego as evidence of this, they were completely normal. So I always figured Parisa was pretty normal and made it on the show because A) she doesn't make girl viewers feel bad about themselves and B) she is a minority. I could be wrong about Parisa, in this ep it looks like she's boarding the bus to Psychoville, but the other girls already arrived there a long time ago, in fact Trisha's the mayor. (Note: I could be totally wrong about this theory, does anyone even care and I know it might not make any sense whatsoever). ANYWAY...

It's a Mall World

This ep was pretty decent. I just heard the phrase "ceramic clowns" and thought it was funny. Funnier still was that the black dude is afraid of clowns. ("Damn, these clowns is whack!")

Back in Sydney everyone heads out for a night on the town. We see a budding-friendship (and if we're really lucky a lesbian romance) between Shauvon and Trisha, who comments "We, like, think the same way." Yes they do, they think like idiots. When everyone gets back Parisa drunk dials Alex and explains drunk dialing to him like its an American phenomenon. I'm not the most worldly guy out there but I'm pretty sure that people get drunk and make bad decisions all the time everywhere (see: anything a Russian sovereign has done, ever). Regardless it gets pretty awkward when Trisha comes in and gets the phone and informs Parisa that Alex feels sorry for her. Its just a pretty awkward scene but we do get to see Trisha on Facebook. Also, what's the deal with all the randos walking through the background all the time. I know that it would be stupid to introduce us to everyone but couldn't they just digitally edit them out or something? Is this even a big deal?

Ok here is my best effort in recapping what happened (shit was going down faster than I could take notes and yes, I take notes):

So after a night of boozing (I don't think it was the same night as the drunk dialing) Shauvon asks Parisa to make her some food. Parisa doesn't want to make the thing Shauvon is asking for because it is too much effort (I think it was the egg in toast thingy). Parisa makes grilled cheese instead. Parisa offers to make Isaac one (she was already making them for everyone) and he says he would like one if its not a problem. Parisa said that it wasn't and that is when the proverbial shit hits the proverbial fan. Shauvon flips out on Parisa yelling at her about how she likes the guys more than the girls, Parisa tries to defend herself (I think she said something about tomatoes...) but Shauvon is having none of it, she is determined to make Parisa cry because she didn't get exactly what she wanted. So she accomplished her mission and that's when Cutty steps in and defends Parisa. (Here we cut to Isaac with one of his classic insights to the camera: "Shauvon makes a habit of partying to hard and acting like an anus." I feel the same way about Isaac as Kenneth from 30 Rock feels about Jerry Seinfeld; he makes me giddy). Cutty's main argument is that a grilled cheese sandwich is not worth all this trouble but Shauvon doesn't care. It kinda calms down for a second when Cutty leaves the room but to quote Lee Corso, "Not so fast, my friend." In the other room Cutty channels his inner-Allen Iverson and explains himself: "We're not talking about bacon and eggs and toast, were talking about a grilled cheese sandwich." Shauvon barges in and flips out on Cutty for talking behind her back and the argument moves back to the kitchen where she throws a bottle at him. This sets off his hillbilly alarm and he flips out. Cooler heads prevail and Cutty retires to his room with the now-infamous sandwich. He goes on to have a heart to heart with the grilled cheese, wondering how something so small could cause a girl with boobs so big to flip out so much. Anyway it was one of the defining scenes of the season and Cutty lets loose with a STUPENDOUS line: (actually I'm going to center this baby and make it bold.)

"This sandwich really caused me some problems but it's a tasty little devil and I'm going to eat it."

Wow! That is simply an amazing quote. (By the bye, in a camera interview Cutty tries to explain what happened and he couldn't say the word jugular. High comedy.) Shauvon doesn't react nearly as well as him and doesn't even eat her sandwich. When Dunbar asks her if he could have it (I guess he's hungry because he doesn't get any food while locked in the closet) she says no because she wants to throw it at Parisa if she comes back. What c-word. (Little side note here: I make the best grilled cheese sandwich in the entire world. I have zero doubt about this. I will take on all challengers.)

Well the next day Shauvon quasi-apologizes by saying, "even though I'm the one in the wrong I don't care because she picks guys over girls." Wow what a good person that Shauvon is.

I am Awesome

2007-10-09T08:52:00.001-04:00

I don't like to brag or anything but last night I absolutely dominated the remote control. I was simultaneously watching the bottom of the 9th of the Cleveland v. Yankees game and the final 2 minutes of MNF between the Cowboys and Bills. I am not lying to you when I say that I did not miss a single pitch or play from either. It was truly one of the greatest moments in television-watching history. I know there has to be some luck involved but that goes for virtually all great accomplishments. I feel that the key to my success was confidence. Confidence built through long hours watching football and baseball. Confidence stemming from knowing how long Joe Borowski takes in between pitches. Confidence in the fact that I am awesome.
End Communication.

Mr. Pibb's Put It In Your Head Song of the Day

2007-10-08T16:28:00.000-04:00

That's right monkeys Mr. Pibb is back to tell you what hot track to shove in your ear.

Mr. Pibb has decided to piggy back on the concept developed over at Barstool Sports and declare today's song of the day a Cougar Anthem. What is a Cougar Anthem, you ask. I'll let the experts from the Stool handle this one:

1. If the song is BY an actual cougar - Stevie Nicks, Heart, Pat Benatar, etc. you're automatically in. It's like getting 3000 hits or 300 wins. "Seventeen", "Barracuda", "Love is a Battlefield", all locks.

2. If the song is NOT by an actual cougar, it needs to be a song about a cougar, i.e. Boston's "Amanda", Kiss' "Beth", The Eagles' "Witchy Woman" or Queensryche's "Jet City Woman."

3. Finally, the last criteria is the "sky-punch" a.k.a. "rockfist", whichever you prefer, needs to be mandatory when the chorus "kicks in". Examples again include "Jet City Woman", Def Leppard's "Rocket", and Twisted Sister's "I Wanna Rock". If you don't meet the first two criteria, you have to hit #3 - the mandatory "sky punch", because if there's anything cougars love more than hitting on younger men and chain-smoking Parliaments, it's sky-punching.

In Mr. Pibb's opinion the preeminent Cougar Anthem is Bad Company's Feel Like Making Love but according to votes conducted at the Stool the Scorpion's Rock You Like a Hurricane is the #1 Cougar Anthem of all time. Anyway Mr. Pibb's own personal favorite Cougar Anthem (Mr. Pibb was the first to officially recognize this as a Cougar Anthem, by the bye) is today's Put It In Your Head Song of the Day.

So sit back, grab some Red Vines, and let your ears take you away...

Today's Track- "Love In an Elevator" by Aerosmith

This song is so awesome for so many reasons that Mr. Pibb's head will explode if he tries to list them all.

BREAKING NEWS: A-Rod Likes Dudes

2007-10-08T09:56:00.000-04:00

Real World: Sydney: Where the F*ck was Dunbar???

2007-10-04T08:57:00.000-04:00

Last nights show was...was... I can't really think of a word to describe it other than bizarre. I'm not really sure why the made an ep about this whole Trisha v. Parisa drama, especially after my nationally read blog revealed that they are the 2 least important, least interesting people in the house. Not nearly enough Isaac, a sub-standard amount of Cutty, and virtually no Dunbar. This ep showed that, while insane, he is clearly essential to the show. Anyway on with the run down...

So contrary to my bold prediction that this ep would have nothing to do with Australian Alex, it miraculously did. Here's my breakdown (with help from the roommates) of who this asshat is- Alex is pretty much a tall Australian metrosexual (it seems like there are a lot down there). Isaac describe him as "the Australian bachelor of the year" in reference to the fact that 2 of the roommates are in love with him. He's pretty fruity and has this constant deer-in-headlights look. Actually that's not really accurate because I have seen deer in headlights who seemed much more aware and much less shocked than this Aussie assclown. It was really difficult for me to get over this through out the whole ep. I was like "Dude, close your freaking eyes before Cutty punches you in them, which he promised he'd do last show." Anyway the guy causes a ton of faggy drama in the house.

The show begins with Trisha on the phone to her boyfriend Jarod. She explains that she sent him an email about cheating or something like that. He explains that he's into dudes now and that he's really not jealous. Despite this Trisha says she feels really guilty about hanging out with other guys. It's pretty clear that she wants Alex's nuts. Complicating the matter is that
Parisa likes him too. So clearly this whole ep is going to revolve around this pseudo-love triangle, which I was not thrilled about. Shauvon explains the situation thusly, "Parisa is asking for more drama from Trisha." Well put, Shauvon.

Next we find out that Alex has been writing little notes and poems to Trisha AND Parisa. I honestly thought that the gayest moment of the season was, I don’t know, when they went to a HUGE GAY PRIDE PARADE. Well as always I was wrong. These little poems are clearly much more gay than 500,000 gay people dancing and singing through the streets while wearing thongs.

As expected the dueling poems cause more drama. Trisha explains that her poem is clearly more heartfelt and better, even though she hasn’t read Parisa’s. Shortly after it is revealed that Alex wrote Parisa’s first but he explains to Trisha that he needed to warm up. KellyAnne (did she die or something) explains to the camera that Trisha shouldn’t interfere with Parisa and Alex since she has a boyfriend. (BTW, what kind of beer/drink was Alex holding in his hand in a scene around this point? It was black and gold… probably a wine cooler or something)

Thankfully, the focus of the show shifts to the budding romance between KellyAnne and Cutty. As Cutty explained earlier in the show, “Me, KellyAnne, and a bottle of gin creates sparks.” We also found out that these two probably bumped uglies. “It was the best 5 seconds. Ever.” So we cut to a bar scene where we find out that a couple guys are fighting over KellyAnne. This sends Cutty into attack mode and he approaches one of them… and the dude had glitter all over his face (this may have been gayer than the poems). The Glitter Man asked Cutty if his accent was real, which pissed him off even further. It pissed me off too. I’m not the biggest fan of southern accents but at least it’s American, and at least we don’t wear glitter all over our faces, you Aussie piece of crap. So back at the house KellyAnne and Cutty have a pretty serious convo where he tells her that she is something special and that she deserves a man. He goes on to further explain that she deserves a gallant knight to come and take her away. Next KellyAnne gets a call from a friend back home who explains that her boyfriend was out with another girl. She goes to seek the wise sage, Cutty, for relationship advice. These two clearly have it for each other.

Ugh, back to Alex. Trisha tells the camera, “Alex, let’s play this game.” Not really sure what that means. I hope it’s a reference to another game of Dew and Boggle but I doubt it. (Great shot of Shauvon’s assets). So clearly Trisha is pissed and she explains that when a dog pees on a fire hydrant that it’s his territory and that transfers to girls and guys, specifically if a girl hangs out with a guy first then he is her property. I think I heard of something like this… except it’s the other way around and only occurs in Islamic Fundamentalist countries. (Hey we get to see Dunbar walk through the distant background of a shot. What’s up, dude? Yea I’m doing well too, just struggling through this ep. How’s that thing with your grandpa? Ya don’t say? Really? Well, good for you. Any truth to the rumors that you killed yourself? No, just that the producers tied you up and threw you in a closest for this episode? That sounds like more fun than watching this Trisha-Parisa-Alex drama go down. I’ll see you next week, right? Ok peace out homie.) Trisha talks more crap to Parisa blah blah blah

The roommates are having a GREAT looking lunch. It looks like fajita things, I think I saw Isaac putting cheese on his. Wow. Those look tasty.

So now everyone goes to a bar and Trisha asks Alex (who just said he doesn’t like Parisa) how pretty he thinks she is. He calls her a 6 or a 7, which I found hilarious. Of course Trisha flips out. Then outside the bar this Aussie rando named Kai tells Shauvon that she is a 6. These two guys are clearly gay. Anyway Shauvon explains to the camera “I think a 6 is barely above average.” Really Dr. Shauvon, really! Of course 6 is barely above average when 5 is average. Man you are an idiot… with a great rack. So back at home Shauvon is flipping out while Cutty and KellyAnne laugh about it. Cutty is in this sweet looking chair by the bye. Then we here a crash in the background but for some reason they never show/explain what happened.

Here’s Isaac’s big scene. He’s walking with KellyAnne and tells her that she is “playing with fire” by fooling around with Cutty. She clearly digs Cutty too much to care. Then Isaac gives her this stern look that I found hilariously serious. What a guy that Isaac. Back at the house Isaac explains that Alex skeezes on drunk chicks and that’s how he gets action. He further explains, “If Dunbar got too drunk, I’m sure Alex would give it a shot.” Oh that Isaac.

So Alex made out with Parisa and a little later with Trisha. Parisa finds this out and leaves her room to hang out very awkwardly with Alex and then they make out again. Mercifully the episode ends.

Scenes for next week look AMAZING! We have Cutty screaming, “It’s a grilled cheese sandwich!” A great shot of Titty, er, I mean Shauvon, and then Shauvon throwing shit at Cutty. I am excited for next week especially since the show has no where to go but up from here.

Real World: Sydney: That's Why the Call Me, They Call Me the Working Man

2007-09-27T08:53:00.000-04:00

Ok this week's ep was a little weak compared to last week but when you throw a perfect game like the Gay Mardi Gras ep then there is no place to go but down, I suppose. I think this ep was a the proverbial trap ep in between two quality ones.

So the roommates are going to start their jobs this week and its about freakin' time, what is this the 8th episode? So they're going to be working for a place called "Contiki," which is some sort of tourism place. Nobody gets that it's a reference to the tremendous book, Kon-Tiki, about a trans-Pacific voyage in a raft to prove whether ancient South Americans populated Polynesia by the Nordic adventurer Thor Heyerdahl. A tremendous book, but I digress. __________________________________________
So not withstanding the missing of the homage to an anthropological study the gang (especially the girls) seems excited to start working. Hutty is skeptical of whether any of the girls can work hard like him because he has spent so much time being a manly guy who likes to do manly things in his sweet Hollister shirts. Anyway, here's his summary of the girls' work experience: "Trisha buys clothes for people, Parisa is a professional student (he said this with a contempt for intellectuals that can only exist in the south or northern Maine), Shauvon writes sex stories. That's hard (he editorialized). And I'm not sure what KellyAnne does."

So Parisa is really excited to work so she wakes everyone up at 11:15 for their job which doesn't start until 2 (tough life, I know). Obviously Dunbar is not amused because she woke him up while he was dreaming about his grandfather (too soon?). Dunbar isn't happy and explains that "Parisa fucked up my chi," whatever that means.

______________________________________________

Parisa is in a good mood and she decides to demonstrate this by singing loudly in the shower. Trisha takes this opportunity to talk crap about her to Dunbar. They conclude that she sounds like a broke-ass Christina Aguelera. I wonder how God feels about all this gossip that Trisha is spreading. Hmm... let's break out the Good Book. "Leviticus 19:16: Do not go about spreading slander among your people." That seems pretty clear to me. But let's give Trisha the benefit of the doubt, maybe she didn't read Leviticus... oh wait that's probably where she got her favorite gay-bashing passage from, Leviticus 18:22, only a chapter away (and by the bye, the Book doesn't make a distinction as too which sin is worse). What a f*cking hypocrite. Man this pissed me off. Just goes to show you that most people who go around bashing gays based on the Bible have no idea what the hell they are talking about. I don't claim to be Churchy McChurcherson but I try (repeat: try) to be a little tolerant of people. Sorry to get all pseudo religious on you I just needed to put that "Beloved Aunt" (think Curb) in her place.

_______________________________________________
Moving on... The dudes aren't nearly as excited to work as the girls but Isaac hopes they work at a resort where, "Dunbar could be the bartender, I could be the wedding singer, and Cutty could be the repair man." (note: I like Cutty much better than Hutty so that's who is from now on.) So the guys are ready and on time as usual while they wait for the girls and Dunbar takes this as an opportunity to bitch about Parisa. He doesn't like the fact that she cooks for them because he thinks she does it just to hang out. Isaac gave him a look like are you f'ing retarded and tells him strongly "Don't f*ck up the midnight snacks." Rule # 3 of Real World: Sydney: Don't f*ck with Isaac's midnight snacks. He will kick you in the face.

______________________________________________
So the crew gets to their job and they learn that they will be designing a two day itinerary for tourists. What a great idea, let's have people who are tourists themselves design an itinerary for other tourists so that everyone will go to AmericaTown or whatever Planet Hollywood restaurant Sydney has. This company is going to fall apart faster than the raft of slightly different spelling but same pronunciation did when it hit that reef off the Tuamotu Islands (Ah, SNAP!). Regardless of how stupid a job it is for them the roommates are pretty excited, Cutty likens this job to "Christmas morning." Only for Cutty this Christmas morning will have a lot more teeth and a lot less moonshine (sorry, couldn't help myself). The gangs boss, Sara, lays down some ground rules, act professional and don't antagonize your co-workers. The foreshadowing of including these rules had all the subtlety of a 2x4 to the back of the head.

It's a Mall World

Pretty bad ep. Not much more to say.

The roommates are heading to a restaurant for lunch and of course Dunbar makes a big deal about parking and asks for a guy to tell him what's going on, which KellyAnne takes offense to (where the hell has she been this ep). At lunch Trisha reveals that she is a really bad driver, really I never would of guest a ditsy blond from California is a bad driver. She says that she shouldn't be on the road that she has had multiple accidents (what's that like, I wonder). So anyway they decide to let her drive back home and she proceeds to almost crash the car several times and attempts to put the phone number of a tanning salon in her cell while driving, what an idiot. _____________________________________________

Back home Dunbar relays the experience to Isaac and Cutty, who were smart enough to take a cab. He explains that she's one of those drivers that jams on the gas and then slams on the brakes, and he asks if the other two have ever driven with anybody like that, to which Cutty responds, "Oh, you mean a woman?" This is clearly the line of the ep and is certainly in the running for line of the season.

_______________________________________________

So now the real drama of the ep begins. Over a round of Mountain Dew and what appears to be a rousing game of Boggle the girls bitch about how the guys are jerks and are just sneakier about drama then them. (Dew and Boggle, now that is a combination). Not surprisingly Trisha tells Parisa about all the shit she talks about her and completely turns the singing comment around to make it Dunbar's fault even though she was the one who sought him out to gripe about it in the first place. What a terrible person.

_____________________________________________
There was a commercial for the BK Hold 'Em thingy during this commercial break, which looked pretty good I guess but I think its major problem is that it's not a Stacker. At the very least the BK Lounge should put some of the Stacker sauce (which is made of babies and delicious) on the Hold 'Em. Anyway...

___________________________________

Back in Sydney the group struggles to do their retardedly simple job. Isaac lays down two options: 1) they do their work today 2) they wait until the last minute. Of course the group chooses the latter which leads to Isaac griping about how these people are screwing up "the easiest job anyone can have in the history of people having a job." Bizarre sentence structure.

________________________________________________

Parisa is pissed at the guys because the girls told her that they talk shit (she is especially mad that they supposedly said that the only reason she cooks for them is to hangout) so she wants to talk with each of them. Her and Dunbar's convo begins by Dunbar grabbing the butter away from her and telling her not to waste it (she was spreading it on crackers, a good snack, by the bye). What an ass. So anyway Parisa confronts him about how he talks crap and of course he flips it around on Trisha, asking, "How can you be manipulated by someone that stupid?" So now Parisa is pissed at the girls. I haven't seen this much waffling since Kerry in '04 (see Josh, I don't like the Democrats either). ________________________________________________

This ep ends before the girls can turn it back around on the guys again but not before some priceless insight from Cutty, "The whole house is coming to a head. We're going to erupt and punch each other in the eye." WTF that was hilarious, actually that is the line of the week. Punching people in the eye is always a good time.

_______________________________________________

The preview for next weeks ep centered on a guy named Alex who is hanging around the house. Cutty warns, "Bring a helmet." So I'm guessing that in next weeks episode Alex is a repair man who comes to the house for like five minutes to repair the roof or something. I could be wrong about the specifics but I am sure that the next episode has very little to do with him.

______________________________________________

So the three things we learned this week: 1) Kon-Tiki is a tremendous book that should be read by everyone, 2) Trisha is even a worse person than we thought, and 3) don't f*ck with Isaac's snacks.

I'm having some formatting issues so bear with me...

I have to go now...?

2007-09-26T16:04:00.000-04:00

Well it's been a fun week and a half but it appears that I may be moving on to greener journalistic pastures. Barring any sort of tremendous blunder (which I am not ruling out) I'm going to be contributing to newser.com. It's a news website thingy that summarizes news stories into a couple sentences. I'm not sure how much I'll be contributing to this thing but this either means I am going to have A) a lot more time to write on this blog or B) a lot less time to write on this blog... probably the latter. I'm going to try my best to keep recapping the Real World (because I just can't help myself) and hopefully do at least one long sports related post a week (I know you all can't get enough of my flawless (read: 3-10-3 last week) football predictions).

Mr. Pibb is also sad to go the way of the evening newspaper but he will post a song when that song demands to be posted. He asked me to tell you that he still loves you all and he wouldn't have change a thing...

Curb Your Enthusiasm

2007-09-25T13:37:00.000-04:00

I'll be honest with you, as much as I love Curb, this past episode was bad, pretty, pretty bad. If you had watched at least 2 prior eps, from any season, you knew right away that that lady in the ice cream store was vital to the kids getting into Dryden. You also knew that L.D. wasn't getting away with stealing those flowers. The only suprise was when Larry didn't let that Dean of Admissions have it after she called him obnoxious etc... It was one of those eps where you want to to slap Larry in the face and be like what the hell are you doing? Why didn't he just go buy new flowers instead of trying to steal the ones back from the lady... just an all around frustrating ep. The most frustrating thing being the fact that Leon was no where to be seen. He was HILARIOUS in the last show, he needs more face time.

Other random Curb thoughts...

-This is the second ep in a row where Jeff has been rocking Under Armour. (Last ep he was wearing a T-shirt while helping the Davids move and this ep he was wearing a polo early on).

-I thought Larry was banned from Jeff's house, so why didn't Suzie give him the business when he was there.

-Speaking of that scene, wtf was Larry eating out of a ziplock bag?

-Cheryl is still smoking. She f'ing brings the heat.

-The funniest part of this ep (probably the only funny part) was when Larry gets back home after stealing the perfume and pushes the two kids out of the way so he could get upstairs faster.

-Actually there was another funny part when Funkhouser called Larry his best friend and when he said he was an orphan. Typical Funkhouser bullshit.

Mr. Pibb's Put It In Your Head Song of The Day- Monday the 24th

2007-09-24T16:18:00.000-04:00

Ah Monday, a day of poor quality. Hopefully Mr. Pibb's latest Track of the Day will make you feel better. Mr. Pibb's been hoping to save this track for a special occasion but since it looks like Doug is about the off himself, Mr. Pibb thinks Mr. Pibb needs to pull out the big guns today.

So sit back, grab some Red Vines, and let your ears take you away...

Today's track- "A Quick One (While He's Away)" by the Who

This track is a bit long but it is definitely worth it. The rocking out at the end is simply unmatched, Pete Townsend's windmill guitar playing is phenomenal. Bonus points for this track because it is a mini-rock opera, which happens to be Mr. Pibb's favorite form of artistic expression.

Mr. Pibb's Put It In Your Head Song of the Day- Friday the 21st

2007-09-21T16:24:00.000-04:00

Yo yo yo! It's the last day of summer so Mr. Pibb's got some bonus songs for you to Put In Your Head!

So sit back, grab some Red Vines, and let your ears take you away...

Today's track- "Can I Kick It" by A Tribe Called Quest

Tribe is Mr. Pibb's favorite old school/east coast rap group. They are incredible. Mr. Pibb encourages everyone to go to the store and buy their Anthology.

Here are some bonus summer-themed videos to help you mourn the passage of a tremendous season.

"Boys of Summer" by Don Henley

"Summer of '69" by Bryan Adams (Yeah, that's 2 Canadian musicians in as many days, Mr. Pibb will try to avoid this in the future).

Enjoy. Have a great weekend. Peace.

Dr. S' NFL Picks of the Week

2007-09-21T08:45:00.000-04:00

Here's a breakdown of this weeks matchups in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE. My season record to date is not good (13-16-3) but I feel like I'm going to turn it around real soon. You won't find any crazy stats here, just my gut feeling about teams (maybe that's why I'm doing so poorly...). So here they are (Home team in CAPS).

Indy (-6) over HOUSTON- Lead Pipe Lock of the Week

Houston and Matt Schaub have looked impressive in their first two contests (wins against Carolina and the Chiefs). Carolina is a decent victory but the Chiefs are the worst team in the league. Also stud WR Andre Johnson is out for the game. Look for the Colts to win big.

Buffalo (+16.5) over NEW ENGLAND

Listen, I love my Pats, they're the best team in football hands down but there is no way they cover this spread. This has all the makings of a 20-7 snooze-fest where Belichick doesn't try to do anything fancy. Heck, it could be a lot closer than 20-7. New England has a tendency to let bad teams hang around a little bit because they don't want to show their hand to the rest of the league. On top of that, the Bills are one of the few teams that hasn't whined about Belichick, include that with the whole Kevin Everett injury and the Hooded One will probably show some mercy against the hapless Bills.

NEW YORK JETS ( -3) over Miami

Look for the Mangina the Hypocrite to rebound against a Miami team that has not played well but will be frisky enough to keep it close, especially because Chad Pennington will be playing for the Jets. Look for a low scoring game, something like 13-6 with a lot of cheating by New York.

Detroit (+6) over Philly - UPSET SPECIAL

The Eagles are not a good team. They throw the ball 50 times a game for some reason and history says you can't win by playing like that. Detroit has emerged as a pretty decent team, especially now since God is helping Kitna recover from injuries. Factor this in with Philly's Brians (Westbrook and Dawkins) being questionable and you wonder why the Eagles are favored. Hey McNabb, you don't get criticized because your black, it's because you suck and haven't won anything (sweet NFC Championship ring though, dude.).

PITTSBURGH (-9) over San Francisco

I hate the Steelers and everything they're about (cut your freaking hair and change your number, Polamalu) but they have looked pretty good against some BAD teams (Cleve and Buffalo) while the 9ers have squeaked by some fair competition (Arizona and St. Louis). San Francisco and Mr. Small Hands haven't been able to move the ball effectively. However, the 49ers D has looked very good with super-rook Pat Willis (not my hall mate from sophomore year at boarding school, the 6'1" 240-lbs black man from Mississippi) clogging up the middle. I think this game will be close but with the Steelers pulling away late, something like 20-10.

TAMPA BAY (-3.5) over St. Louis

St. Louis with out Orlando Pace is like Thanksgiving without the turkey, you still get a nice meal but something is seriously missing. Add to that, that all Jeff Garcia does is win football games and you have the Bucs covering easily.

San Diego (-5) over GREEN BAY

Green Bay has looked good, especially on defense, but I don't think that either of their opponents (Philly and the Giants) are particularly good. On the other hand this Charger team talks like they invented football and their QB has been very poor. I think LT steps up this game and Favre throws 3 picks which will be forced by pressure from 'Roid Rage Merriman and the rest of the very good Whale's Vagina pass rush.

BALTIMORE (-8) over Arizona

Arizona looks to have a revamped defense but their offense has been nothing more than decent. Baltimore should be 2-0 right now and will be fired up to play at home. Arizona will keep it close but I picture Ed Reed taking a Leinart pass the other way for 6 in the 4th quarter to help the Ravens cover.

Minnesota (+3) over KANSAS CITY

Kansas City is bad, like miserable bad, like 2-14 bad. I have no idea why the are favored to win this game (I guess because of homefield advantage and possibly the return of Jared Allen). Regardless whether Tavaris Jackson or Kelly Holcomb start for the Vikings, Herm "I did a terrible job" Edwards will find some way to blow the game (and probably Larry Johnson's ACL in the process).

OAKLAND (-3) over Cleveland

Cleveland's 51 point outburst against Cincinnati is like when I hooked up with this hot chick with a nice rack at a Dave Matthews Concert (you don't know how it happened, you don't why how it happened, but there are 2 things you are sure of 1) that Cincy and that girl felt terrible about themselves the next day and 2) it will probably never happen again). On top of that the Raiders defense is much better than Cincy's. Look for the Scuttler (Lamont Jordan) to have a big (150+ yards) day and Oakland to cover easily. Cleveland's season peaked last week.

SEATTLE (-3.5) over Cincinnati

I could be totally wrong about this one but the Bengals looked awful on defense and Seattle will be looking to avenge that loss to the Cardinals. Honestly I have no idea.

DENVER (-3) over Jacksonville

The Jaguars are a bad team. It's that simple. While Denver has not looked impressive and Ron Jaworski's man crush (Cutler) hasn't wowed people they are still good team who will win 10 or so games. One of those will come today over the Jags (who are realizing that cutting Byron Leftwich (who has Heart of a Champion) brought them some serious negative Karma).

ATLANTA (+3.5) over Carolina

Not really sure why. I don't want to write anything about this game because it will depress me. If this is the game that is on TV in your area, you should probably move.

WASHINGTON (-3.5) over New York Giants

The Giants defense stinks on ice and I blame Michael Strahan and the giant gap in his teeth. Seriously, they don't even look like they're trying. Jason Campbell has looked very good and so has my man Clinton Portis. Week 1 was fluke for the black-sheep Manning boy. They should put in the Battleship just for fun. Look for New York coach Tom Coughlin to get fired at half-time.

Dallas (+3) over CHICAGO

I think Dallas will score enough points on the Bears to put the game out of reach for Sexy Rexy. The Bears will score 2 touchdowns (one on defense/special teams and one on a bomb to Bernard Berrian where Roy Williams completely misplays the ball) but that won't be enough as the Cowboys score somewhere in the 20-28 range. Note: I hate this pick and will be rooting for the Bears, Dallas sucks.

Tennessee (+4) over NEW ORLEANS

Yeah, I know the 'Aints will be fired up to play at home but they have looked terrible. And don't forget Rule #1 of football: Vince Young wins games and Rule #2: unless he is playing Tom Brady. The Titans will win outright and the 'Aints can go back to being a footnote in the NFL.

Mr. Pibb's Put It In Your Head Song of the Day- Thursday the 20th

2007-09-20T20:47:00.000-04:00

Listen up! Mr. Pibb is back to tell you what hot track to listen to. Yes, that's right the most underrated softdrink promotional character of all-time is here to tell YOU, the always open-minded reader, what to Put In Your Head today.

So sit back, grab some Red Vines, and let your ears take you away...

Today's Track- "Distant Early Warning" by Rush

Here's a link (not the best version ever but still awesome)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUBMFTgfJJk

Although they are from Canada, Rush is, in Mr. Pibb's opinion, one of the most underrated bands around they rock incredibly hard for a group with only 3 members. For more information on Rush please consult your local library.

My Desk

2007-09-20T20:46:00.001-04:00

This is my Paint rendition of my desk... and yes, that is a Yogi Bear cup that I keep my pens in.

Kids = Stupid

2007-09-20T12:45:00.000-04:00

So last night I decided to tune into CBS' new reality series Kid Nation where the abandon 40 kids in a ghost town in New Mexico. These 40 kids are divided into 4 districts and they competed to see who gets what job they do and how much they get paid ($1, $.50, $.25, or $.10) etc. etc.... It was kind of intriguing, I suppose but what really got me thinking was, "Was I really this annoying and stupid when i was 11 or 12?" I have to think the answer is, unfortunately, yes. Kids are dumb, very dumb; so I was also dumb. People like to talk about how kids are smarter than you think but I disagree.

For instance, one of the kids on the show wanted to buy a bicycle from the general store but it cost 3 bucks and since her district lost the challenge she had to be a laborer and only made 10 cents a week. So she decides to dance for nickles (the only denomination of currency in Kid Nation) so she could afford the bike. So she has to get 58 nickles (she already has two) from the rest of the kids to buy a bike. She pulls it off somehow (even though she sucked at dancing). So that means that by dancing for an hour she just made about 30 times as much money as she got paid for the week. That also means that she accumulated over 15% of the entire wealth of Kid Nation (because there are 370 total nickles). If you were to apply this money-making strategy to America then you would come out with $1,969,500,000,000 (thats 1.96 trillion; or 15% of 13.13 trillion ) for an hour of dancing. Again, the moral of the story is: Kids are dumb.

And yes, I have way too much time on my hands.

Real World: Sydney Recap- Gay Mardi Gras

2007-09-20T08:42:00.001-04:00

Wow. What an ep. This one had it all: Isaac on rollerskates, Trisha going Jerry Falwell on everyone, AND a pedophilic grandpa. Well, I'll just start from the top.

Last week's ep ended with Isaac saying, "If you have sex with someone in this house, grab an umbrella because the storm is coming," implying that Hutty and KellyAnne were going to get it on. Never happened (at least this ep) so MTV is still batting 1.000 when it comes to making promos for the next week's show that has little to nothing to do with what actually happens.

One of the first things we learn this week is that Dunbar moved out of his house when he was 15 because his father beat him (big suprise). The real suprise with Dunbar comes later on...

Well this week in Sydney is Gay Mardi Gras, a very divisive issue in the house. Hutty isn't comfortable around gays, presumably because they are attracted to his trendy cut off shirts (I'm on to you, Cohutta). Isaac is straight (pun-intended) JACKED for Gay Mardi Gras because he brought props with him all the way from C-Town for this event. Still the most outrageous reaction is Trisha's, who has suddenly found God because her father sent her a gospel-laden email that she felt obliged to share with the group.

Later on that day when the gang is strolling around the harbor they pass some street musicians who are playing Trisha's "favorite church song." She and KellyAnne wander over and the latter starts singing along (which is weird enough) but the former starts crying. She then proceeds to tell the camera that walking by some rando musicians who are playing a church song is, "God telling me to stop partying and asking me why are you going to Mardi Gras and supporting gays." Wow, she really broke out her Jump-To-Conclusions Mat for that one.

It's a Mall World (Interlude)

I'm a pretty big fan of the American Eagle series that they show during the first commercial of the Real World each week. It's not always funny but it features two actors from Not Another Teen Movie; Sam Huntington (pictured), best known for the Breakfast Club parody scene when he says "Mitch, cut it out." (the mouths the word stop) and Deon Richmond who plays Malik the black guy. (I couldn't find a good photo of him, as Malik would say, "Damn. That shit is whack.") Well this little series they have is worth a chuckle every other ep and it sure is a hell of a lot better than watching the usual 4 minutes of commercial's MTV shows. Any way back to the the real show.

When we return to Sydney we get some more enlightened gay bashing from Trisha who thinks that Gay Mardi Gras is wrong because "it encourages gay people to do what they want to do" and who would want people to do that? To paraphrase Ace Ventura "I'm in Psychoville, and Trisha's the mayor."

Thankfully right after this scene we are treated to an incredible shot of KellyAnne's ass in a tight, little skirt. Simply amazing. We then see Dunbar cutting his shirt up for some reason; somebody should tell him its Gay Mardi Gras and not late night at Phi Kapp (wait, actually, they're pretty much the same thing). Shauvon, who must have
seen that KellyAnne was showing off for the cameras, decides to counter and she walks out with both guns a-blazing in a possibly the smallest shirt known to man. Isaac decides to go balls-to-the-wall and he puts on stockings, a rag to cover his, um, area, and rollerskates. He is toe-ing the Brett S. Line of either being hilarious and just being gay, but I think he pulls it off.

So Dunbar, Parisa, Shauvon, and Isaac head out to Mardi Gras where Isaac continues to toe that line by skating around and telling people with a lisp "You're bad." I personally thought it was hilarious but that's just me. Then Shauvon turns the table on Trisha by telling Parisa that "I'm offended by her not liking gays."

Well, let's go see what's going in the the land of the straights, where Hutty, KellyAnne, and Trisha are going out to dinner. Trisha freaked out because Hutty flipped up her skirt and a couple people saw her undies, since she's on the God Squad now she gets pissy. Why? I don't really know; this chick has much bigger problems than a couple randos seeing her panties. Anyway they get into a huge argument at dinner which leads Hutty to use the always priceless line of "you're making a scene." So the moral of this story is that gay people are a lot more fun than straight people apparentely.

Back to Gay Mardi Gras where Isaac and Dunbar are hamming it up in the parade and have a grand ole time. Everyone is having a great time until Dunbar drops a Hiroshima-sized bomb on everybody when out of the blue he says "My grandfather tried to molest me several times." I haven't been this shocked watching television since CBS brought Rules of Engagement back for another season. This was also the biggest non-sequitur in the history of mankind because he says it right in the middle of a huge freaking party/parade thing. So anyway after the gang is all gayed out they head home where they find a grumpy threesome. Dunbar goes on to tell Parisa that he has struggled dealing with "the pedophilic predator that was my grandfather" and that "that is why I am such a good fighter." Not really sure what the second part has to do with the first but this was so out of left field it's indescribable. I guess Dunbar stock rises a little because now we know kinda why he is so messed up. (Although I question why the hell he brought it up in the middle of Mardi Gras; he could just want attention/sympathy because it is pretty bizarre to tell people that after you've known them for maybe a month or two).

Regardless, the show ends with Cohutta and Trisha agreeing to be on "minimal communication terms" because they can't get along. I watched the scenes for next week's ep but I don't remember a thing because my brain was so fried from Dunbar's A-bomb.

Mellars, where the hell do you get your hair cut?

2007-09-19T21:26:00.000-04:00

My buddy Dave just wrote about how he hates getting haircuts because its a big hassle for him apparently. Here's an excerpt:

"Let me preface this by saying I'm not a huge fan of getting haircuts, because I believe... the conversation you have to have with the person cutting your hair is worse then having a conversation with a certain Geneva Davenport. When I do... sit down to get my haircut, thats all I'm looking to do; just get a haircut. I'm not interested in the person whose cutting my hair, or their life story. ...To make matters worse I tell her I like the haircut (which I clearly don't) and she charges me 29 bucks for it."

My question to Dave is: Where the hell are you getting your haircut? I absolutely love getting my hair cut. I go to Anthony's Barber Shop in Waterbury, CT. Tony's is the type of place where I feel the most comfortable. It is a small place in a strip mall where every square inch of the walls are covered in sports memorabilia and I'm not talking about some crappy poster of David Wells or something but autographed photos of Joe DiMaggio, Babe Ruth, and Ted Williams. There is at least a dozen game-used bats in the corner from the '40s and '50s. There isn't any fancy waiting room just a couple chairs right behind the barber chair and a stack of Sports Illustrateds and Playboys. There is a TV in the corner that is either on ESPN or YES (so its not 100% perfect, sue me). The waiting is also enhanced by the other clientèle (most of them would kick my ass for using a word with an accent mark), there are a lot of old guys who will tell you about how they'd go see Duke Snider play or what it was like to be on a PT boat in WWII.

And the best part about it isn't soaking in the incredible atmosphere or reading nudey mags but talking to Tony (he's the owner and sole barber) while he's cutting your hair. This guy knows everybody in town and always has a great story to tell about going to Yankee Stadium or something like that. He's a Yankee's fan, granted, but he's classy enough to know that I'm a Sox fan so he talks about how great a park Fenway is or some other enjoyable topic. He always knows about the movies that are out and he's usually pretty right about what's good and what's crap. Just a solid all-around guy. I guess there is a sink to wash people's hair but I don't think its ever been used (and there certainly is no citrus smelling shampoo). Also, if you need it he'll give you a hot shave with a straight razor. All this atmosphere and conversation and you feel like your stealing from the guy when you hand him your 12 bucks; I'm usually in such a good mood when I leave I'll give him a 20. Oh and I always get a pretty good haircut.

Well, besides this Dave's got some pretty interesting things to say so peep his site.

Mr. Pibb's Put It In Your Head Song of the Day

2007-09-19T14:55:00.000-04:00

Listen up, Donkeys! Mr. Pibb here to tell you what hot track to listen to. Yes, that's right the most underrated softdrink promotional character of all-time is here to tell YOU, the always open-minded reader, what to Put In Your Head today.

Now these songs won't be found on the Top 40 and they won't be the most obvious songs by certain artists (such as Rock and Roll All Nite by Kiss (although that song is great)) but some tunes that have slipped under the radar. So sit back, grab some Red Vines, and let your ears take you away...

Todays Track- "I've Seen All Good People" by Yes

Here's a link to a live version-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvPyT-YGUIg

and to the album version, which Mr. Pibb prefers-

Simply a tour de force of a song by a band that hasn't gotten enough play over the years.

Real World: Sydney

2007-09-19T09:37:00.000-04:00

I'm not a big MTV watcher, never have been, but this season of the Real World has pulled me in big time. Here's a break down of who's in the house with my own comments:

Characters (in ascending order of importance)

Trisha-
Age: 19
Hometown: Typical, California
Physical Attributes: Blonde, pretty good looking but looks like a gargoyle compared to Shauvon and KellyAnne (3rd best looking out of 4 girls).
Observations: The proverbial "throw-way" roommate. She hasn't brought anything to the table except some pointless (read: unentertaining) drama. Isaac said he didn't know if she was a good person. Last episode she broke out the Bible and started to see the error of her hard-partying ways. The previews for tonight's episode show her thumping her Bible and directing her hatred towards gays... this could catapult her from the background of the show to the front, so the jury is still out on her. She also a boyfriend back home.

Parisa-
Age: 21
Hometown: NYC
Physical Attributes: Not attractive in general but looks like the Elephant Man when compared to the other girls in the house. Daughter of two Iranian immigrants so she's got that Middle Eastern thing going on, I guess. (5th best looking out of 4 girls)
Observations: Parisa is clearly on the show so teenage girls don't feel too bad about themselves. Early on it appeared that she would be a total drama queen/bitch who would bring everybody down but has looked surprisingly sane and level-headed in the past few episodes. She had a huge crush on Dunbar to begin the show but has cooled on him since he went psycho on everybody.

Cohutta-
Age: 23
Hometown: Hickville, Georgia
Observations: Cohutta appears to be a pretty solid dude. He has a thick southern accent, wears old jeans, and a cowboy hat. I think one episode I saw him wearing a Hollister shirt (or something like it) so I'm not 100% sold on this good ole' boy routine he's throwing at everybody. Also his hair and stubble are a bit too well groomed. I guess if there was such a thing as a hillbilly metrosexual Hutty would be it. Recently, his stock has sky rocketed since KellyAnne (an absolute smokeshow) took a little interest in him. I believe his defining moment (so far) was when he and KellyAnne were walking down the pier and he was saying what's up to random passers-by (it seemed like he was kind of being a dick at first but it was surprisingly funny). He may seal the deal with KellyAnne in tonight's ep although he said a couple shows ago that none of the girls were his type (he wants to get married and have a couple hillbilly babies).

Shauvon-
Age: 24
Hometown: Somewhere, California
Physical Attributes: The largest breasts on the planet are on this girl. She really should just change her name to Titty because that is what every red-blooded man on the planet blurts out when they see her. Besides that she's blond etc... (1 or 2 out of 4; its really a judgement call whether you prefer Shauvon or KellyAnne, there is no wrong answer).
Observations: Shauvon is your typical ditsy blond. She is a journalism major at Sacramento State (affectionately called SacState!) who writes a love advice column. She does seem more mature than the rest of the girls but got drunk the other ep and got angry at Isaac (Lesson #1 of Real World: Sydney- Don't mess with Isaac; he will stab you). Basically what happened was she was sitting on his lap and her drunk ass fell and she blamed Isaac and threw a temper tantrum, pouring water on Isaac (Lesson #2 of Real World: Sydney: Don't pour water on Isaac; he will murder you and your family). Isaac in turn called her a slut and the whole thing got way out of hand but was eventually settled. This moment did lead to the most dramatic Real World promo since the black guy from San Diego took a spill on his moped that turned out to be no big deal (they made it seem like Isaac beat the shit out of Shauvon and that an ambulance was needed). Oh, she broke up with her boyfriend before the show started.

Dunbar-
Age: 20
Hometown: Psychoville, MS
Reminds me of: A cross between my friend Rhett (a southern ass), a semi-friend, Ted (has an opinion about everything that he needs to share) and a rando I know, Ryan B. (absolutely insane).
Observations: Where to begin? Dunbar has been one of the featured players on the show and I'm not really sure why. He has a serious anger management problem and has flipped out more in the past few eps than Bobby Knight in his entire coaching career. Parisa had a crush on him, which didn't last long for various reasons, most prominantly because he is a psycho. He and KellyAnne were flirting a lot early on but he took it the wrong way so she has since backed off. His highlights (or lowlights) have been telling Parisa she doesn't know what the blues are about because she's not poor and not from the south (yea, like this d-bag knows anything about the blues), flipping various pieces of furniture over in anger, and possibly committing the biggest cock-block of all time (Hutty and KellyAnne were in bed and he walks in the room and tells him not to waste his time because she is the biggest cock-tease ever). I think all the roommates realize that he's insane by now and have tried their best to stop being around him. He also has a girlfriend back in the Delta who I am 100% positive he beats.

Isaac-
Age: 21
Hometown: Cleveland, Ohio (everybody wants to flee to the Cleve'...)
Observations: Isaac is my favorite guy on the show. He is cool, funny, and the most level-headed person in the house (which is hilarious because he got busted for robbery or something like that and almost spent 6 months in prison). He is a rapper/DJ or some hip, trendy profession. He is clearly the alpha-male of the group (confirmed by KellyAnne's admission to her metrosexual date last ep) and, while he is usually pretty docile, will, if provoked, eat your children. He tells it like it is and doesn't put up with anybodys crap. He made out with Shauvon once but I don't think he's going to get much farther than that. Surprisingly he has not been featured that much. It is only a matter of episodes until he takes an icepick to Dunbar's throat. He gets bonus points because he bought Dunbar a skin magazine so he could relieve some of the tension that he was building up.

KellyAnne-
Age: 20
Hometown: Texas
Physical Attributes: She knows what she's got and she flaunts it. In a portion of her audition tape she just bent over in her panties to show off her flawless ass. It was a watershed moment in my life. She is a brunette and incredibly well put together. (1 out of 4; she's my favorite).
Observations: KellyAnne is the clear-cut star of the show. She shakes her shit all over the house and it's awesome. The only drawback is that she's completely insane but that's no different than most of the other people on the show. She started the season off by flirting hard with Dunbar but that cooled quickly. Now her new crush is Hutty. I think she likes him more than she's admitting and they may seal the deal this week (despite the wise advice of Isaac to the contrary). She has a boyfriend (kind of) back home who she told that she was scratching Hutty's back and he understandably flipped out although she was too dumb to realize why he was upset. Not much more to say about her that hasn't already been said... Oh, she had a feud with Parisa for a bit but that has kind of gotten put on the back burner so they can both concentrate their hatred toward Dunbar.

Same bad time, same bad channel tomorrow for an episode recap. Peace.

K-Ville

2007-09-18T10:27:00.000-04:00

Anyone else watch K-Ville last night? Normally I don't watch cop shows but I saw this one had Anthony Anderson in it and I knew I needed to watch it. If you don't know who AA (that's what his friends call him) is go rent Malibu's Most Wanted, Harold and Kumar, and the Departed. Now that's range. Basically AA stars as a cop in post-Katrina New Orleans who is teamed up with Cole Hauser (who played Benny in Dazed and Confused). It is a pretty bad show with a too much editing and a camera that shakes (I suppose to add to the intesity) but AA's performance is simply phenomenal. His character is a hard-ass who drinks on the job and doesn't play by the rules. His character is so freaking intense while I was watching the show I head-butted my dog so hard that we both screamed. Anyway if you enjoy AA as much as I do then this show is definetly worth your time. Did I mention that AA's police boss is Drew's transvestite brother from the Drew Carey Show?

Is this really what life is like?

2007-09-18T09:57:00.001-04:00

I graduated from college this past June and have since started working a 9-5, white collar job. I've been working for almost two months now and I think I'm going to end up killing myself. In college I would go to class for a couple hours, then go to football practice, and then go party with my friends. I would go out maybe 5 nights a week and it was awesome. Now I get up at 7:30, cry, go to work, work, go home, cry, have dinner, watch crap on TV, and then cry myself to sleep. Repeat. On the weekends maybe I'll go visit my brother in Boston or maybe I'll to to a concert or something, which are both fun things to do but then on Monday its back to work. This is terrible. I have to win the Lottery or something otherwise I'm going to crack. Work sucks... at least not as much as homework.

Spy/camera/video/witchhunt gate

2007-09-18T09:14:00.001-04:00

I'm not the most objective guy out there, I'll admit that, but this whole Bill Belichick thing has passed the level of ludicrous and has wandered into the "Red Dawn" zone. (Referring to the Pat Swayze movie where Russians invade America. Like the Belichick debacle it has a puzzling premise to begin with, the players are transparent, your not really sure you should be wasting your time paying attention to it, and it goes on for way to long.) For anyone who has been in a cave on Mars with their fingers in their ears for the past week, the Patriots were caught videotaping the New York Jets defensive signals in the first quarter of their Week 1 game. Nobody has really conveyed to me why videotaping the opposing coaches signals is a big deal other than "it violates the rules," which is a garbage reason to begin with; America was founded on breaking the rules. To paraphrase Otter from Animal House, "Well, you can do whatever you want to [Belichick], but [I'm] not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America."

Anyway... you're allowed to look at opposing coaches during the game, right? So what if you were to hire a stenographer to manually record the signals using words to describe them, is that cheating? Why is using a video camera such a freaking big deal. You're allowed take aerial photographs of the opposing defenses from a blimp and then send them down to the sidelines for the QBs to study but God forbid you should videotape the opposing coaches signals. Am I missing something here?

The worst part about this whole thing is that somehow no one is talking about that P.O.S. snitch Mangina. He had to have known the Pats were doing this while he was there (and winning rings, by the bye) but suddenly he has a moment of conscience two years later and decides to spill his guts to the NFL Fuhrer like he's an "unlawful combatant" in Gitmo. That's crap. There are two things I rememeber my dad telling me when I was little, (1) everything you touch turns to shit (which is a whole other issue) and (2) don't ever, ever, ever, snitch. But no one is calling out the Mangina (the 0-2 Mangina) for being a snitch.

Finally, you could almost hear all the studio analysts rooting for the Chargers on Sunday night, especially Jerome Bettis. He questioned whether the Pats cheated to beat his Steelers teams in two AFC Championship games. Hmmm... In 2002 I wonder what defensive signal they stole to have Troy Brown house a punt on your hapless Steelers and how they cheated when Troy blocked a field goal and flipped it to Antwan Harris who took it 60 yards to pay dirt. Regardless, when the Patriots put the BEAT DOWN on the Chargers (a team many had going to the Superbowl) they completely ignored it.

Well, I guess that's about that on the Belichick front, other than that this Pats team is unstoppable and will leave teams decimated in its wake as it unleashes never-before-seen destruction upon the rest of the league.